Sunday, March 8, 2009

To Queens and Back Again: A Hobbit's Tale

Today I made the epic journey from Brooklyn to Queens to pick up a radioactive watermelon bridesmaid dress that I ordered two months ago. The David's Bridal people told me to try on the dress one more time to make sure it fit, so I did. After sliding into it, I could tell something wasn't right - it just didn't feel the same. Walking over to the mirrors, my suspicions were confirmed: I've lost some weight. Now I have exactly four months to start eating truckloads of food so I can fit into this dress. One of the bridal attendants told me that a smaller dress size would be too small, case closed. Ergo, I must wear this dress. I'm thinking a corset might add some girth, but corsets are also inclined to have a "flattening" rather than "fattening" effect. The eating begins...now.

Here's the kicker: my friend is having us wear full-length dresses and petticoats in late July. I have a feeling this has something to do with the conservative nature of her church. However, Wisconsin easily reaches temperatures in the 90's around that time of year. It could end up being the perfect 70-degree summer day, but who can predict Wisco weather in July? Unless my friend's tiny church has Central Air, it's pretty much a given that I'll be leaving the ceremony glistening with perspiration.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you the dress. Make sure you choose the watermelon color swatch.

4 comments:

Kathleen said...

yikes, petticoats? watermelon petticoats? that's brutal.

Angie said...

Remember I'm buying this from you after you sweat your tush off in it. :-)

Erin Hendricks said...

LOL

عبده العمراوى said...

شركة الماسة لمكافحة الحشرات