Tuesday, July 29, 2008

It's Storytime, Kids!

Today I read an article about this hilarious Craigslist Ad seeking a sitter for "5 Kids, Including an 18-year-old" Hmmm...that situation sounds vaguely familiar. As a former nanny-for-hire, I probably would have considered such methods of torture had the opportunity presented itself. "Reduced rent! Score!"

I never had to deal with a coddled Ivy League Brat, but there were a few incidents which gave me pause and questioned my sanity.

Gather 'round, everyone!
Rewind to one year ago *~(fog sequence)~*

"I HATE you! You're the worst babysitter ever! You're NEVER coming to my house again!" said Porcelain Princess No.1, her pigtail braids shaking with rage. Tears pooled in her eyes and streaked down her cheeks between fits -- I swear I caught a whiff of hydrocholric acid. "I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU!" she screamed.

Porcelain Princess No. 2, identical in appearance to No. 1 but slightly less scheming at this exact moment, surveyed the scene with much smugness. "You have to do what Babysitter says, she's in charge," said No. 2. The girls, 5 years old, were undoubtedly the apple of their parents' eye. Beautiful with bright brown eyes, chesnut hair and pale skin, they had learned to work their charm at an early age.

Their younger brother, only a few months old, crawled around the playroom floor without a care in the world. The twins' older brother, Naughty Jack Turner, pretended to ignore the unfolding scene while playing in a life size plastic kitchen.

Minutes earlier, Naughty Jack Turner, in an oft-repeated attempt to punish his attention-stealing sisters, randomly hit Porcelain Princess No. 1. He hit her until she became so enraged I couldn't stop her retaliations. She needed a time-out. But apparently No. 1 was not used to being disciplined in such a manner. She refused to sit down. I had to literally restrain her so she wouldn't get up from the seat. She did not like this. One. Bit. She screamed and kicked and scratched and flung a toy at me until I was able to free one hand and take it away. I had never seen a child so possessed and mad at the world before - it was as if Dr. Frankenstein's creature invaded her body ("Baaaaaaaar!") I doubt their mother noticed the flecks of blood on my arms later that night.

"This is it," I thought. "I am never babysitting for these horrible, horrible children ever again." But sure enough, a week later when they called and I was still without a full-time job, I caved.

1 comment:

Angie M. said...

The best birth control is other people's kids.