Big Changes

You never know what life's going to throw at you.

For me, it was a gradual but growing unhappiness that reared its ugly head this week when RedSunRover and I finally called it quits. 

It's a funny thing, breaking up. My longest relationship before RedSun lasted 7 months, and that was in high school. Before that, my big fling was a second grade "boyfriend" who stood by me when all the girls decided to exile me from their group.   

Somehow, I managed to find an awesome Brooklyn apartment in less than 24 hours. Obviously I couldn't continue living with an ex, but the breakup happened to fall exactly one week before Feb. 1st. Like everything else in NY, the apartment hunt had to be an accelerated process. Finding one turned out to be much easier than I thought it was going to be; I can probably thank the tanking economy for this. 

It's going to feel weird not having a boyfriend, but I'm comforted by the fact that we had a great year together. I'm grateful this hasn't escalated into an extremely messy situation, and that I'll be able to stay friends with my ex moving forward. He's my best friend - always has been, always will be.  Let the healing begin.

Staycation

Subzero temperatures, a failing economy and cabin fever can only lead to one thing: Staycation!

Of course, we wouldn't dare leave Chewy behind.

RedSunRover and I spent Saturday night at Gild Hall in the Financial District. I was very impressed by the lodge-like lobby and Old English vibe. Deer horns on the ceiling reminded me of a decked out version of my family's hunting shack in Wisconsin (minus the outhouse). RedSun and I rented a Western flick and ordered in Dominos as any high roller guest would do ;)  My only complaint was that their restaurant was closed off for breakfast Sunday morn. No attempts were made by the Concierge to make their guests happy when we expressed our discontent at checkout. Too bad...this place was SO close to getting my seal of approval. My deprived stomach overrules over anything else in this decision making process. At least I have my cowboys (Ed Harris and Viggo Mortensen) to think back on with fondness. 

A Modest Proposal

Today I spent $200 on a bright watermelon dress to be worn this July in one of my best friends' weddings. I've got another "Heineken bottle" green dress waiting in the wings for my sister's wedding...which is postponed until further notice. Now, I'm a good bridesmaid: I love my friends and I'll wear a less-than-dazzling dress to keep them happy (for this occasion and this occasion alone). More than losing money, however, I'm concerned about losing all my single friends to the Other Side. Please come back!

I'm pretty old-fashioned by most standards, so it amazes me that so many of my friends/former classmates are married, with children, or both. Facebook keeps me updated on all the happenings, of course. When I see yet another "Mike and Stacy's Wedding Album," I experience a strange mixture of reactions: first, an appreciation for the aesthetic beauty of the ceremony, the wedding dress, the hair, the food, etc. Secondly, a big gold star sense of achievement in being able to retain my singleton status. Lastly, a feeling of big change in the world and my relationship to the people in it. 

For example...

During Christmas vacation I was going through some albums and happened upon a funny Wisconsin middle school basketball photo. In it we all look very wide-eyed, eager, full of promise. Fourteen years ago, none of us had kids, and now more than half do. FYI: I hated middle school. But now I want those young-silly years back! Most of my New York friends are unmarried, but I have a feeling this will change in the next few years. Conclusion: I need to relish these bachelorette days with bachelorette friends before they, too, venture to the Other Side  :(

I deplore you; Friends, please stay unmarried so we can hit the bars together Friday nights without worrying about feeding the kids, feeding the husband, or any other matronly duties I could insert here. Let's relish this time of freedom in our 20's; relish these peak years while our chests are still perky and our hips are narrow. There will be plenty of time for cute babies and smart-mouthed husbands. If you're thinking about getting married, please, come to New York so I can buy you a drink. It's the least you can do for a yet tied-down friend. Think hard before agreeing to that wedding proposal. Think hard before saying goodbye to late nights spent gossiping, reading Cosmo together, and counting down from 100 on the phone.

Princess Week

The first week of January shall henceforth be known as "Princess Week."

Two years ago - New Years Eve 2006 - I experienced a life-changing New Years holiday. It's not a day I remember with fondness. I spent most of the night hostessing at the lovely local Red Lobster establishment. Later that evening, I got stood up. A Syracuse "townie," of all people. I watched the ball drop from my couch, then turned in a few minutes later madder than ever.  As I've mentioned before, this was the catalyst which inspired me to move to New York (you can thank this boy for my blog). Whereas the poor guy, two months after standing me up, totaled his truck and got a DUI.

Okay, so about Princess Week - it started off a little shaky, but eventually gained momentum. I caught a horrible stomach virus in Atlanta four hours before my flight was supposed to take off. I'm sure you've been there. We're talking stomach flu where it feels like an animal is literally eating your insides. I couldn't eat anything but saltines and Sprite until Tuesday. When I got home, however, I only had to work one day because New Years Day was approaching. I was catsitting for my aunt and uncle at their expansive Upper West Side apartment. Cue many hours spent playing Nintendo Wii Mario Kart and watching such cable TV reality gems as "Platinum Weddings" and "What Not to Wear." 

My current boyfriend and I spent our New Years Eve/one year anniversary at Capitale, an investment bank-turned-fancy event venue with high vaulted ceilings and crests etched in all corners.  We spent three hours yesterday at Silk Day Spa getting deep tissue massages and sitting in the steam baths. After the spa we headed to Roth's Steakhouse for surf and turf. 

Who's laughing now?

Merry Christmas One and All

Enjoy the holidays, everyone!

I'm looking forward to my wee early morning flight to Atlanta tomorrow. My boyfriend is meeting my parents for the first time, so expect some funny stories to ensue.

In case you were wondering, here's my itinerary for the next few days.

1. Pack my bags

2. Sit around the Christmas tree in my bathrobe

3. Rid the world of darkness

4. Rescue young children from their plight of soiled clothing

5. Feed bamboo to starving puppies

Snow Daze

Yesterday involved a lot of running around, so today I've declared an official snow day. 

No subways, no slushy streets... just sitting around the Christmas tree in my apartment watching Netflix, drinking rum and coke.

Good times.

Falling Acid

Last week a few drops of "acid" fell on my head while waiting for a train in the subway station. Good omen or bad, I ask?

Good... I think.

The mysterious fluid-like substance dripped from the ceiling and smelled of rotting cabbage. I guess this is to be expected considering its source. BUT, it almost fell on my head and didn't. I happened to be covering my ears (two loud express trains were going through), and the drops only hit my hands. So instead of the drops falling into my eye and causing permanent blindness, I had really smelly hands. Bad stenches I can handle, blindness not so much.

I understand how carried away this might sound, but this is falling acid, people! Who knows where that water came from or what it passed through before reaching my hand *shudder*

Funny - I can spend 10 days in the woods and not desire a shower, but this geyser of foul water falls on me and it's pretty much the end of the world. It's the same with beetles vs. roaches: I can squish beetles with a tiny piece of toilet paper, but I can't even look at a dead roach without screeching like a murder victim.

Cities are the worst kind of dirty.

AWOL~

Dear Readers, 

Whoever you are, and wherever you are, my apologies for this huge lapse of posting in the blogger space continuum. I owe you a quick update as to what has been occupying so much of my time these last few weeks:

1. I got laid off. And then hired. Long story.

2. I went on LinkedIn and started "friending" anyone who lives in NYC and has ever attended Syracuse University. My search yielded about 30 page results. Sadly, a lot of people picked the "I don't know this person" response. So many that LinkedIn placed my account on probation. Any more networking stunts and they'll shut down my account for good (or so the LinkedIn gods tell me).

3. Going on interviews and nearly slipping in high-heeled shoes twice (once in Port Authority, once while running across the street in the rain). Screw heels.

4. Taking naps.

5. Making mixed cd's for family members using my excellent selection prowess.

6. Listening to Katy Perry's I KISSED A GIRL over and over and over.

7. Buying a coffee maker, which has already paid for itself. 

8. Learning to make a perfectly concocted pot of coffee.

9. Reading NO ANGEL by Penny Vincenzi. Great story, intricately-woven...but riddled with typographical errors in nearly every chapter. I was tempted to mark the mistakes with red pen and then send the book back to Overlook Press (ironic name for a publishing house?).  I've just started Roberto Bolano's THE SAVAGE DETECTIVES. Dirty. Scarily good.

10. Spending my days wrapped in blankets reading books and eating cookies - the apartment is drafty. 

11. Making a (half-hearted) attempt at going to the gym more. 

12. Watching NetFlix classics like THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING. Daniel Day-Lewis gives me shivers.

13. Making lists, because that's pretty much the epitome of fun (!)

14. Visited my old publishing office haunt and read this witty description of myself: "Most New Yorkers found her fresh-faced Midwestern outlook very charming." *twinkle*

15. Improving my culinary skills with each new day of unemployment. 

16. Looking for the slightest thunderbolt of creativity for a blog post. 

Would you buy this lamp?

I recently posted a few craigslist ads, one for a laptop bag and the other for a jungle lamp. 

The jungle lamp ad is a bit flightly, but considering the audience I think it just might work. 

PS - Any takers, let me know...

The Witches of Eastwick

So many post ideas, so little time. I've got a goodie in my head, but I'll need a little time to flesh it out...stay tuned.

Today I bring you a delicious excerpt from last Sunday's NY Times. Tis a book review by Sam Tanenhaus regarding John Updike's The Widows of Eastwick. One part really jumped out of the page. The novel is set in Nixon-era Rhode Island, but the description sounds a bit more like modern-day New York....

A triad of literal witches, sexually rapacious divorcees in their 30s, prey on the menfolk in a shabby-trendy Rhode Island seaside town and, as their power grows, also terrorize the local citizens...

And yet, despite their dream of female empowerment, the witches' fantasies center on a man, a mysteriously well-heeled newcomer 'with greasy curly hair half-hiding behind his ears and clumped at the back...Unsubtly named Darryl Van Horne, he is either Satan or his emissary, given to voluble though not quite coherent Mephistophelian theorizing. Aware the three divorcees are devil-worshipers, he lures them into the brick mansion, Eastwick's finest, which he has bought and gaudily refurbished. The 'malefactresses' cavort in Van Horne's 'eight-foot hot tub,' sexually servicing him and at times one another. They also greedily imbibe lethal cocktails, 'alchemically concocted of tequila and grenadine and creme de cassis and Triple Sec,'...

Sounds like wicked good fun to me. I wonder what Mephistophelian means. If Updike's book comes anywhere close to the quality of this review, I'm totally running out and buying a copy.

(image via Robots! Hot Girls! Monkeys! Weapons! And Vehicles!)

Choose Your Own Adventure!

In the beginning, there was R.L. Stine's Invaders of Hark. And it was good. Droves of children (myself included) devoured such tales of self-design like candy, meanwhile hoping not to fall down a well or accidentally eat a poison mushroom in the next chapter. Let's be honest: these tales are a fine wine that only get better with age.

In the next decade, man made digital format . And it was even better. Where will YOUR fortune cookie take you?

The latest turn in the choose-your-own adventure revolution comes in the form of online video, courtesy of my new favorite soap company, Dove. The story is called "Waking Up Hannah."

Viewers are able to explore three different storylines, all of them following a 20-something girl named Hannah who wakes up dazed and confused after a night of boozin'. From there she takes one of three routes: Energize, Refresh or Cool Moisture. You decide. FYI : you can also read through the text messages in her phone for the full Peeping Tom effect. The storyline you pick ultimately decides her fate in a blind date later that evening. Will poor Hannah stay cool and collected or find herself high and dry? Her destiny lies with you...

Best of the Best, Craigslist

Today we salute you, Craigslist guy, for teaching us how to sell, sell, sell. And for filling our lives with joy. 

1. Craigslist - Richmond, VA.

For complete image, click here. 

"8x8x16 Cement Block - $1"

2. Craigslist New York - Who could forget the infamous "super nanny" post.  

To view complete image, click here. 

To read the NY Times article stemming from this ad, click here. 

3. Craigslist, Nerd Edition

To view complete image, click here. 

4. Craigslist, Exorcist Edition

To view complete image, click here. 

5. Craigslist, Palin Edition

One of my personal favs. 

To view complete image, click here. 

6. Craigslist for Breakups

This one's called  "For Sale: Books for Insecure Women"

To view complete image, click here. 

7. Craigslist for Time Machine Entrepreneurs

To view complete image, click here. Then here. And here. 

Peace (cont.)

Peace, Love, Tranquility. Brought to you by several Wisconsin sunsets of the 1960's.

(aka Uncle "Shooter" Bob)

Peace

One thing I really miss about Wisconsin are the sunsets. This photo was actually taken on Kinney Road in Upstate NY. Funny to see a place so strinkingly similar only a few hours from the City.

Sometimes, as I lie awake at night trying hard to block out the sounds of taxis and ambulances, I pretend I'm back at Richmond Lake in South Dakota. I took a camping trip there by myself two summers ago. It was there I pitched a tent, toted a few bottles of Mike's Hard Cider, and watched the sunset on some rocks down by the water. The weather was cool and breezy. With lots of crickets. Wrapped up in my sleeping bag the first night, I played some old Guy Clark tunes on my ipod until I fell sleep.

(photo via Bedlam Farm)

Daily Puppy

Check out Murphy, today's daily puppy!

This site always makes me smile :)

Table Talk

Not to sound like a snoop, but I tend to make it my business to know other people's business. What's great about eating out in New York is that it involves a goodly amount of eavesdropping as well as my other favorite pastime - eating. The eavesdropping factor is especially high on weekends. Also when the table on either side of yours is six inches away.

A man and a woman at a Tapas Bar, Flor De Sol in Tribeca, were too consumed with their present situation to notice my listening in. I kept overhearing the phrase "Investment Banker." Turns out the woman is a disgruntled divorcée turning their dinner into a vent session. Her friend and victim, Man, spends the majority of the dinner bobbing his head and chiming in a time or two. The poor guy had definitely counted on a happier ending for the evening. Woman's plans only went as far as defining her lonely, passionless, disolate life. I proceed to dub her official representative of C.R.A.P.P.Y. - coalition of restless, angry, pragmatic, power-hungry 'Yorkers.

"I could be a soccer mom driving an Escalade right now, but I would be miserable."
"I miss having that crazy, animalistic sex...I hope you get to experience that someday."

Show Me the Money!!

These are some hard economic times. The signs are everywhere.

Happy Joel's Super Fun Time Weblog

Now here's an artist one can admire and respect. This post goes out to Joel Ross, founder of Happy Joel's Super Fun Time Weblog and professional contest entry winner at large. Allow me to explain. Joel likes entering online video contests. After winning a few $100K contests, he decided to turn it into his day job. And the videos are pretty out there. I'd describe them as cult classics best enjoyed by those who embody great whimsy and flair (i.e. myself, Ms. Peep Show Hall-a-Thon, hired publicist of Joe Samsonite). At the very least, I would recommend these videos to groups of people on Speed or some other mind-altering substance (not that I endorse such measures, but hey, this is America).

I'll let you decide for yourself.

According to his site, Joel lived in Dayton, Ohio, until the age of 18. He works on an average of 7-8 contests at a time - some involving monetary prizes, others a lifetime supply of chocolate milk.

The way I see it, learning to get people to vote for me in online video contests and building my contest army is just to pave the way for my eventual run for President of the United States.

Click my links, join my contest voting army, help me live the dream.

One of my co-workers knows Happy Joel and told me the story behind these mug shots. Once a cop tried pulling Joel over for speeding. Joel wanted to wait until he reached town because he heard it was dangerous to stop for one car in a rural area* Eventually, an entire squad of police cars followed him into town on a low speed chase. When he got out of his car, the cops said something to the effect of "What happened?" Then they all burst into laughter.

*The rule is to not pull over for unmarked police cars in rural areas, and to dial #77 when doing so.

Live from Santa Monica

Wooo!

So I'm sitting here in a hotel room on the West Coast, pondering how to spend the rest of my day. Here for work, I just finished the hardcore training aka sales megaconference portion of the trip. My flight doesn't leave until tomorrow so I think I'll just idle the day away... staring at...the ocean! I can see it from my balcony window (sorta). As I anticipated, Cali has been idyllic and nothing less than awesome. Monday and Tuesday were literally booked from the time I woke up down to the minutes I grew too tired to hold a salty margarita. But not to fear, we managed to squeeze in some fun betwixt all the chaos... fo' sho'.

At first, Los Angeles reminded me of Jersey with a lot of palm trees. I think it was all the flat buildings and stale surroundings. But everything got better once I saw the ocean. The clean, tropical smell in the air replaced thoughts of Jersey with thoughts of Florida. Unlike muggy Fla., mornings here have been foggy and cool - the beach photo above was taken at noon.

Last night, bleary-eyed after a day spent staring at PowerPoint slides, our sales crew of 50 people headed to this awesome Mexican restaurant in Santa Monica, El Cholo. Afterward, most of us headed to a chi chi bar across the street, Temple. Old School jazz tunes circa 1930 filtered through the club from Suzy and the Solid Senders. Solid they were. A few minutes into the night, this random guy came up to me and asked, "Are you Laura from __(insert fictitious company name here)__ ?" Umm, no. I spotted a few co-workers across the room and slowly headed their way for safety.

As for the rest of the evening, good times all around.

My Job Rocks

"Here a news flash for you: college kids is po."

Haha, no, actually: I have the coolest job ever.

Not only are they flying me to L.A. this weekend for training, where I'll be staying at a ritzy hotel in Santa Monica, but I get to work with some of the most interesting characters.

I had such a crazy time last night hanging out with my new office peeps. I'd love to tell you about it, but as it involves the imbibing of beverages and other incriminating events I have to keep the details under wraps. Suffice it to say I'm really enjoying myself, and the end of last night went something like this:

I experienced one of those classic NY moments. Sitting in the taxi next to RedSunRover on our way to Brooklyn, I stared at the skyline looming in front of us, savoring one of the last few warm nights in the City. I felt the fullness of being wined and dined like a rock star. My former travails with the roaches and the pyscho cat wench and the pot smoking roomate suddenly seemed far far away.