A Modest Proposal

Today I spent $200 on a bright watermelon dress to be worn this July in one of my best friends' weddings. I've got another "Heineken bottle" green dress waiting in the wings for my sister's wedding...which is postponed until further notice. Now, I'm a good bridesmaid: I love my friends and I'll wear a less-than-dazzling dress to keep them happy (for this occasion and this occasion alone). More than losing money, however, I'm concerned about losing all my single friends to the Other Side. Please come back!

I'm pretty old-fashioned by most standards, so it amazes me that so many of my friends/former classmates are married, with children, or both. Facebook keeps me updated on all the happenings, of course. When I see yet another "Mike and Stacy's Wedding Album," I experience a strange mixture of reactions: first, an appreciation for the aesthetic beauty of the ceremony, the wedding dress, the hair, the food, etc. Secondly, a big gold star sense of achievement in being able to retain my singleton status. Lastly, a feeling of big change in the world and my relationship to the people in it. 

For example...

During Christmas vacation I was going through some albums and happened upon a funny Wisconsin middle school basketball photo. In it we all look very wide-eyed, eager, full of promise. Fourteen years ago, none of us had kids, and now more than half do. FYI: I hated middle school. But now I want those young-silly years back! Most of my New York friends are unmarried, but I have a feeling this will change in the next few years. Conclusion: I need to relish these bachelorette days with bachelorette friends before they, too, venture to the Other Side  :(

I deplore you; Friends, please stay unmarried so we can hit the bars together Friday nights without worrying about feeding the kids, feeding the husband, or any other matronly duties I could insert here. Let's relish this time of freedom in our 20's; relish these peak years while our chests are still perky and our hips are narrow. There will be plenty of time for cute babies and smart-mouthed husbands. If you're thinking about getting married, please, come to New York so I can buy you a drink. It's the least you can do for a yet tied-down friend. Think hard before agreeing to that wedding proposal. Think hard before saying goodbye to late nights spent gossiping, reading Cosmo together, and counting down from 100 on the phone.